"Hits" at 3 am

Sleeplessness has been a lifelong issue, but I have come to value these silent hours, after the dreams or demons have gone.

Sleeplessness has been a lifelong issue, especially after my military service. I frequently am awake in the night, but I have come to value these silent hours. After the dreams or demons have gone, I wait for these unexpected thoughts to come forward.

When I wake after midnight, I make notes of what I call these “hits at 3 am.” In the first light of day I sort them out, stitching them into words and images. Occasionally these jottings form themselves into a coherent idea or insight that I put into an essay or poem. These musings will be posted irregularly on this website. I don’t possess them, they possess me, and I write them for myself—but now choose to share them.

Certain poets and their poems have helped me to bridge the chasm of war images. When moved by a poem, I memorize it, and repeat it to myself in the night hours to cope —especially poems that contain active images that speak to the “uneasy underworld.” I will occasionally share such poems along with my “hits at 3 am.” It’s my own “rabbit hole” and if I disappear, it ok, I don’t expect you to follow. . . my mantra is “it’s better to wander in uncharted lands, then it is to follow a map made by a tourist.”

In my career as an accountant, I mistrusted the idea that I could create something of value by writing, and I’m still reticent to call myself a “writer.” But as these “hits” accumulated, I’ve been heartened by the responses I get. I’m still an accountant, but I’m searching and stretching for that long ignored writer-self. I welcome your comments.

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